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We live in an age of constant change. Traditional
lifestyles are no longer common and the American family has been
transformed. Recent statistics report that 90% of Americans marry,
50% of these marriages end in divorce and another 65% of those divorced,
remarry. In 1980, one third of all marriages were remarriages.
With this high number of remarriages, there has
been an increase in the number of stepparents. Stepparenting may
bring many opportunities for growth, but it also brings its share
of challenges. Below are some suggestions which may help avoid some
of the pitfalls of life as a stepparent.
- The marital relationship comes first.
- It takes time for each member to adapt to a
new family.
- Be patient and understand that loyalty to the
new family takes time.
- Pay attention to and work through the wounds
from the past marriage.
- Maintain positive relationships with ex-spouses.
Don't make negative comments about them in front of the children.
- Be sure that the children feel welcome in their
new home.
- Listen to the children.
- Recognize the developmental needs of children
of different ages.
- Teach children problem solving skills.
- Develop new family traditions without abruptly
changing the old ones.
- Hold family meetings. Encourage participation
and open communication.
- Don't allow children to carry messages between
the natural parents.
- Encourage children to establish strong relationships
with both natural parents and their new family members.
- Parents must agree on discipline:
- Make friends with stepchildren before attempting to discipline
them.
- Remember, the child's natural parent should do the disciplining
in the early stages of the new family.
- Seek outside counseling if necessary.
If you are a stepparent with
counseling needs, please call for help.
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